What is the most important quality in a spouse? What were some of the qualities you were looking for in a partner when you were dating? Most of us were looking for someone who was attractive, smart, kind, funny. These are great qualities, but what is the MOST important? We are making the argument that the most important quality in a spouse is the ability to self-confront. Why? What does that look like? We are going to talk about that as we give some therapy to the song “Hold the Line” by Toto. Rich is going to make an important… Read More

Rich and Celeste take another break from poo-pooing love songs to celebrate ones that do it right! It’s The Good Ones Part 4. Rich talks about the importance of being present in the moment and taking a little time to stop and appreciate things as we listen to “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton. Celeste breaks out the Brene Brown buzzer again by talking about braving the wilderness in your relationship as we listen to “One Foot” by Walk the Moon. No other way to do it than putting one foot in front of the other and taking things one step… Read More

Every aspect of marriage has a high desire partner and a low desire partner. Whether it is how clean the house is, how strict the budget is or how often you have sex, one partner will desire those things more than the other. This Valentine’s week, we are focusing on the high desire partner in a sexual relationship. This can be a tricky position to be in because you can feel very stuck and powerless to improve your situation. Manipulating, coercing, and pressuring may get you what you want in the short term, but have lots of negative consequences in… Read More

Do you ever find yourself reacting to your partner in a moment of strong emotion? Obviously, yes - this happens to all of us. But you may not know that, in situations like that, you may find yourself unwittingly in the middle of Karpman’s Drama Triangle! What is that you ask? It’s a way of looking at negative roles we can embody during strong, negative interactions (“drama”). The Drama Triangle roles include being The Victim (“You/Everyone is doing this to me!”) The Persecutor (“Oh yeah? %*@#@ you!!”) or The Rescuer (“Let me fix you, because it’ll make ME feel better!”).… Read More