Perspective

How keeping a forever perspective helps our marriage.
By: Camille Zirker

Celeste here! I’m very happy to introduce this guest post from my friend Camille. She was one of the first people I thought of when considering who might have some great relationship advice to share and she does not disappoint! Camille and her husband are a wonderful couple and I think Camille’s attitude about her relationship is a big reason why their marriage is what it is. Enjoy!

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One day last spring I was driving and I heard a song come on the radio that I instantly fell in love with.  “All of Me” by John Legend.  I downloaded it right when I got home.

‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you“
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you,

I love it.  Isn’t it amazing that we all have such imperfections? I found someone to overlook those in me, just as I have for him.

Over the past year I have thought a lot about marriage.  Maybe it was because I had a brother-in-law get married as well as a brother contemplating it.  Maybe it’s because I am coming up on 12 wonderful years of marriage and can’t figure out where the time has gone.  I am so blessed.  I really feel like I have an amazing marriage!  Not that there aren’t those little ups and downs but I feel like those come and go and I continue to love my husband more than ever!  I know that having an eternal perspective is what keeps us going.

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I was recently reading a talk by a leader of our church and I really love what he had to say about marriage.  He gave 5 principles to build strong satisfying marriages.  (Marriage: Watch and Learn by Elder L. Whitney Clayton)
1.     In the happiest marriages both the husband and wife consider their relationship to be a pearl
beyond price, a treasure of infinite worth.

2.    Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the foundation of happy eternal marriages.   Their mutual quest is
to be obedient and good.

  • He said  “They do not consider the commandments to be a buffet from which they can pick and choose only the most appealing offerings.”
  • “Strengthening faith means strengthening marriage.”  For us a big part of that is monthly trips to the Nauvoo Temple.  When we sacrifice and make this a priority we are blessed.  It is rare that we attend the temple together.  We often switch off watching the kids and spend the day near the temple, yet our marriage is strengthened and our family is blessed.
  • Service has always been a big part of our marriage.  I was lucky enough to marry a man who would give his right arm to help others.  This has taught me a lot!  I have whined and complained more than my share, yet I have grown, learned and been blessed.  I have learned to love to serve and find ways to bless others as well.

3.    Repentance and humility build happy marriages.  Spouses who regularly conduct honest
self-examinations and promptly take needed steps to repent and improve experience a healing
balm in their marriages.  Experiencing the mighty change of heart causes us to treat others,
especially our spouses with meekness.

4.    Terrific marriages are completely respectful, transparent, and loyal.  Marriages are based on
cooperation not negotiation.  Their dinner hour and the family time that follows become the center
of their day and the object of their best efforts.

  • Family time really is the best.  Whether its laying on the tramp to read together, going out on a hike, or just dancing to music around the house, we LOVE it!

5.      Successful couples love each other with complete devotion.

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Elder Bruce C Hafen reminded us that “contract companions each give 50 percent;  covenant companions each give 100 percent.”  My husband and I made an agreement/covenant that we don’t intend to break in this life or the next.  “The sealing of a man and a woman in temple marriage creates an eternal relationship between them and their children that can last beyond death.” -Lorenzo Snow

Having a “forever” perspective helps our marriage.  Sometimes the short term may be hard and aggravating, but with this perspective, a few dishes or a small disagreement doesn’t seem so big.  It becomes a “So What!?” situation.

I know that if you don’t feel like you have a great marriage, you can.  We have had many struggles during our marriage.  Financial struggles, the stresses of school, health concerns for a child, living in 12 different homes in 12 years, work stress, and that’s only the beginning.  There have been a lot.  We all have those trials.  We can use them to make us stronger and to grow closer to our spouse.  We all have imperfections.  It is our choice to change them into “perfect imperfections.”  Having a forever perspective helps us to keep our journey through life a smooth one.

6 thoughts on “Perspective

  1. I love this post Camille! I heard that song recently and really liked it as well. I love that my husband is service oriented, but like you, I have whined and complained more than I should. I’m working on choosing to allow his faith and service to strengthen our marriage (as well as my desire to serve,) rather than make me grumpy because of the time it takes.
    I agree that keeping an eternal perspective really helps. It helps to dissolve the little things before they become big things. It also provides more joy and purpose to the present day because we know that we are building and creating something that is meant to last.

  2. Camille, I loved your comments. Thanks for your example and desire to do what is right. Both you and Darrick are great examples. Keep up the good work and carry on.

  3. “Having a “forever” perspective helps our marriage. Sometimes the short term may be hard and aggravating, but with this perspective, a few dishes or a small disagreement doesn’t seem so big. It becomes a “So What!?” situation” This is so true… I hope that more young people going into marriage today can realize this. The whole definition of marriage seems to be changing in today’s society. It’s sad. Marriage takes work. It takes commitment. And yes, it takes the ability to say “So What?” Nice post.

  4. Wow 12 years! I’m coming on mhy 4 year anniversary this time and its crazy I have no idea where the time has gone either. I bet I’ll feel the same way 12 years from now too. Thanks for the remember to cherish this relationship a little deeper.

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