Episode 37: Blame (“Your Fault”)

Ah the blame game. So unproductive and yet so common.

So much time wasted stuck in resentment.

Yet, how do we get out of this trap?

How to avoid the blame game all together?

Well, that takes some inner work my friends!

Getting to that magical mixture of acceptance AND boundaries.

In this episode, we give some therapy to the song, “Your Fault” from the musical “Into the Woods.

And Rich’s re-write is seriously his best work yet!

Rich’s lyrics:

“But it isn’t my fault, my partner’s a jerk
Of the two of us I’m the one who’s done the work
And without that work
We would be worse off
So it’s really not my problem in the first place

Wait a minute, “did the work”
So you think you’re done
And any Problem with you two’s
A problem of one
It’s your partner’s fault?
And they’re immature
And there’s nothing else for you do
Of that you’re sure

Yes its their fault
Yes it’s their fault
Yes it is
See that’s not true
(Wait a minute)
Are you saying
It’s all my fault
…’zat true
That it’s my fault?

(No look here
You’re saying “fault”
And I’m saying that’s wrong
Blame that’s the same as
Saying so long

To the ownership
Of what you can do
You can only really change
just one thing: you

So it’s MY fault
Oh it’s my fault
Yes it is
Just listen please

Wait a minute

‘Cause assigning fault
Is a pointless thing
It externalizes change
‘Cause then everything
Is from outside you, someone else will bring
The improvement


Who is responsible?
You’re very much responsible
I’m not
Yes you are
So it’s my fault
‘Cause you’re sharing your life
So it’s their fault
Not it isn’t
Then whose it is
wait a minute

The very first thing
Is to start to believe is
That happiness just maybe
You can start to achieve
Even if your partner
Doesn’t choose to change
Don’t start to get resentful
Or resort to blame
So there’s no fault
We reject fault
Then it isn’t mine at all

Sort of
To be super clear
You can’t change through blame
So the concept of blame
I reject again
I’m saying do your best
And there’s no fault then
But what if they’re a jerk in the first place

Jerks yes
Some folks are jerks it’s true
Is that true?
Yes it’s true
Work so that the jerk’s not you
The jerk’s not you
Wait a minute
There is no fault


If you do what you can do
That helps you, helps them too
You don’t angry in the first place
No fault
Don’t do fault

Be responsible
Don’t resort to blame
Reject fault!”

Episode 36: Choosing Your Partner (“What I’m Looking For”) Featuring Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

We are so happy to welcome Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife back to the podcast!

She is the perfect guest to bring on for our inner work month and today we are talking about how we deal with being dissatisfied in our marriages and how to CHOOSE our partner every day. And it doesn’t always look how we think it will!

Sometimes we think “choosing” our partner means we really don’t have a choice. But realizing we DO have a choice frees us from the chains of obligation (“I HAVE to be with my partner”) and brings us into freedom (“I CHOOSE to be with my partner”).

I LOVED this conversation, I took notes the whole time and I think you will too!

We’re giving some therapy to the song, “What I’m Looking For” and Rich’s re-written version shows that when we CHOOSE what we’re looking for, its much easier to find.


Rich’s re-written lyrics:

We have lived lots of places
We have run all these years
Only I’ve been with you
Only just me and you
Now we’ve come to where, I feel stalled
There is tension, there are walls
There are these walls
Between me and you

And I feel I’m not sure what I’m looking for
Now I wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for

We’ve made mistakes, we both slip
So now we’re trying to come to grips
We’re older and tired
But we still have desire
So we spoke and explained feelings
How we’ve held onto our issues
And we talked through the night
And I felt seen and known

So I choose, and now I’m sure you’re what I’m looking for
Now I’m sure, once again, you’re- what I’m looking for

I believe I could make it alone
But we’re both better when together as one
Becoming one
And the future’s still coming
I’m choosing you
And you choose me
It’s not dependence but totally free
Totally free, you know I believe that

Since I choose, I have found what I’m looking for
It was you, and I’m sure you’re what I’m looking  

Episode 35: Issues (“Issues”)

Oh the issues we take with the song “Issues” by Julia Michaels!

“I’ve got issues, but you’ve got em too. Give yours all to me and I’ll give mine to you.”


Someone forgot to study relationship truth 101: it is not your partner’s job to solve your personal issues and it is not your job to solve your partner’s.

This lesson is only forgotten every day in most relationships, so our friend Julia is in good company.

Thankfully, Rich is here to make some much needed improvements to this song!

Join us as we discuss the inner work necessary to forge a strong relationship.


Rich’s re-written lyrics:

I’m zealous about mental wellness
When I’m not things don’t go well
And it’s quite easy to tell
I get angry, but still know that we
Can thrive despite that
‘Cause it’s common to feel that

You don’t, need to indulge me
And if you did, maybe I’d indulge me too
No I need, to work on me
Cause who I am, baby it affects you too

Cause I got issues
I’m working through
Dealing with myself
I know can help us too
Not sad or gory
To each have problems
Cause it only helps our love
To work to solve them

Yeah I got issues
I’m working on them cause I need you

This’lll be my purpose
Will I be perfect, no.
I won’t quit even so
And you’re not perfect
But I am worth it
For you to deal with your own stuff
And that helps us be enough

And we’ll be, judgement free
Cause when we do I makes us feel good and free
And ‘cuz we are in love we
Try chose a positive point of view

Cause we got issues
We’re working through
Dealing with ourselves
I know can help us too
Not sad or gory
To each have problems
Cause it only helps our love
To work to solve them

Yeah I got issues
I’m working on them cause I need you

Episode 34: Inner Work Good Ones

Introducing our theme for the next 4 podcasts: Inner work!

Celeste’s favorite topic!

This episode is another installment of our “good ones” series where instead of poo-pooing on love songs, we celebrate ones that give good advice and postulate on why.

“I Love Me” by Meghan Trainor (Celeste’s pick) and “Symphony” by Clean Bandit (Rich’s pick) are given the honors today, and come to think of it, compliment each other very well.

Episode 33: Theory Class 103 (Systemizing Fun)

Wrapping up our month-long theme on fun, we are talking about how to systemize fun 1. in our individual lives, 2.  in our marriages and 3. with our families.

Celeste theorizes and advises while Rich creates music lyrics and then performs his masterpiece at the end of the episode.

And bonus! The Davis children each have a part in this episode talking about their favorite family fun activities!