Ah the blame game. So unproductive and yet so common.
So much time wasted stuck in resentment.
Yet, how do we get out of this trap?
How to avoid the blame game all together?
Well, that takes some inner work my friends!
Getting to that magical mixture of acceptance AND boundaries.
In this episode, we give some therapy to the song, “Your Fault” from the musical “Into the Woods.
And Rich’s re-write is seriously his best work yet!
Rich’s lyrics:
“But it isn’t my fault, my partner’s a jerk
Of the two of us I’m the one who’s done the work
And without that work
We would be worse off
So it’s really not my problem in the first place
Wait a minute, “did the work”
So you think you’re done
And any Problem with you two’s
A problem of one
It’s your partner’s fault?
And they’re immature
And there’s nothing else for you do
Of that you’re sure
Yes its their fault
Oh
Yes it’s their fault
No
Yes it is
See that’s not true
(Wait a minute)
Are you saying
It’s all my fault
Entirely?
…’zat true
That it’s my fault?
(No look here
You’re saying “fault”
And I’m saying that’s wrong
Blame that’s the same as
Saying so long
To the ownership
Of what you can do
You can only really change
just one thing: you
So it’s MY fault
NO!
Oh it’s my fault
NO!
Yes it is
Just listen please
Wait a minute
‘Cause assigning fault
Is a pointless thing
It externalizes change
‘Cause then everything
Is from outside you, someone else will bring
The improvement
Improvement?
Yes
How
Well
Who is responsible?
Responsible?
Responsible
You’re very much responsible
I’m not
Yes you are
So it’s my fault
No
‘Cause you’re sharing your life
So it’s their fault
Not it isn’t
Then whose it is
wait a minute
The very first thing
Is to start to believe is
That happiness just maybe
You can start to achieve
Even if your partner
Doesn’t choose to change
Don’t start to get resentful
Or resort to blame
So there’s no fault
Yes
We reject fault
Yes
Then it isn’t mine at all
Sort of
To be super clear
You can’t change through blame
So the concept of blame
I reject again
I’m saying do your best
And there’s no fault then
But what if they’re a jerk in the first place
Jerks yes
Some folks are jerks it’s true
Is that true?
Yes it’s true
Work so that the jerk’s not you
The jerk’s not you
Wait a minute
There is no fault
WAIT A MINUTE
If you do what you can do
That helps you, helps them too
You don’t angry in the first place
No fault
Don’t do fault
Be responsible
Don’t resort to blame
Reject fault!”
