Weekly Marriage Tip:  Hear and Be Heard

A few weeks ago, we had a companionship inventory and without really planning to I spilled my guts about something I’ve been fearing in our marriage for a long time, but that I didn’t want to say out loud because I didn’t really think anything productive would come from it.  I was afraid this issue would come out all wrong and I wasn’t sure how much of it was just in my head.  Anyway, it came out and I spilled it and Rich was so SO great about it.  Not defensive, not trying to solve anything, just listening.

I think the key was just expressing my feelings without coming up with ways HE needed to change.
Anyway, I learned a valuable lesson from this experience and that is just how important it is to me to feel heard.  It was surprising to me that once I expressed all my fears about a delicate issue to Rich, I didn’t even really need the issue to be solved at all.  It was enough for me just to FEEL HEARD.
Immediately, that week I felt so much closer to Rich, just having him understand me.

And like all marriage issues, the law of reciprocity comes into play here:  in order to feel heard you need to HEAR.  Without judgment.

If you have an issue in your marriage you’d like your partner to understand, try having a hard talk, with lots of love. Express how you feel, without nagging and without looking for solutions.  Let us know how it goes 🙂

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7 thoughts on “Weekly Marriage Tip:  Hear and Be Heard

  1. Gabe and I always say one of the keys to our happy marriage is that we’re both over-communicators (at least with each other). Feeling the safety to be honest, and having the trust and expectation that both of us will work to get to the other side of any issue (and be better for it) is a great comfort and encouragement. Thanks, Celeste 🙂

    1. Wow, two honest, trusting over-communicators?? Where on earth did you find each other 😉

  2. I seem to always start those conversations with, “just so you know…” Probably not the best way to start that. But I too have a very patient husband that listens. Marring up has really worked for me. 🙂

  3. Does Rich offer lessons to other husbands on how to sit there, listen and not immediately try to fix things? Just curious. 😉

  4. Ha! We’re no experts, but I’ve found it CRUCIAL if I want this to happen to start whatever it is I want off my chest by saying, “You don’t have to solve this. I just need to vent, could you just be a listening ear for a sec?” Something like that.

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