This month is all about service here at Marriage Laboratory and last week I wrote about perhaps the best tip I have for how to serve your spouse and get your marriage out of a rut- focusing all your energy, conversations and interactions with your spouse on making them HAPPY for one week.

I call it happy week and it has pulled my marriage and my heart out of many ruts through the years.

If you are in need of some more specific ideas, today I wanted to provide you with some dear reader. I’ve done something similar in this post – 46 Ways to Make Your Spouse’s Day, but here I’m going to divide it by gender.

A disclaimer: I am a stay-at-home mom and my husband works- this list reflects our life stage at this point and the various services that we most appreciate. If this doesn’t reflect your life situation and thus the list wouldn’t be of the most service to your spouse, modify it so it is. Mostly I hope to provide a jumping off point for you to consider your own list of things YOUR spouse would most appreciate.

Here are some services we’ve appreciated the most:

For him:

1. Notice how hard he works for your family and sincerely express your appreciation.
2. Initiate sex.
3. Take over some of his normal household duties.
4. Give him some time to unwind right after he comes home- guilt-free.
5. Make his favorite dinner.
6. Set up a guys night with some friends.
7. Plan a fun date night doing something you know he’d love.
8. Put some energy into planning a special night of intimacy.
9. If there is a chore you know he hates (mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, etc) do it for him.
10. Put a show on for the kids at night so you have some alone time to talk and relax together.
11. Let go of something you’ve been nagging him to do and do it yourself (change the oil? fix the sink? YouTube is amazing- you can learn all sorts of new skills 🙂
12. Write him a love note, email, or text.

 

For her:

1. WATCH THE KIDS!  (Ha- I was writing out things I appreciated the most since I have 3 young kids at home- 90% of them involved a break from the kids . . . I love my kids, but I cannot overstate how much a stay-at-home mom of young kids will appreciate time to herself 😉 )
   1. Watch the kids so she can have a bath.
   2. Watch the kids so she can go to a coffee shop and read.
   3. Watch the kids so she can clean uninterrupted.
   4. Watch the kids so she can go out with her friends.
   5. Watch the kids so she can work on a project.
2. Offer to take care of dinner.
3. Clean the house.
4. Do that thing she’s been nagging you to do :).
5. Plan a date night you know she’ll love.
6. Dedicate some one-on-one time with each kid (your wife probably feels occasionally like she’s failing in this area, so seeing her partner fill in can be a really lovely gesture).
7. Ask her about her feelings, emotional and mental state, what she’s struggling with, what’s been making her happy, what projects she’s been working toward, etc and then listen intently.
8. Write him a love note, email, or text.

 

Alright, hopefully those are enough to get the gears turning in your head.

Our love experiment for this month is to 1. Ask your spouse what you can do to serve them each week and 2. Do everything asked of you.

But even if they can’t think of anything or ask for something very simple, fill their love tanks with extra acts of service from this list or a list you create yourself based on your spouses needs and wants.

It’s service month, so let’s get busy!