Waiting For Sex Until Marriage- Can I Really Do It?

If you are trying to decide whether or not to wait for sex until marriage, we’re here to tell you that you can and why you should.

By Katie

This post is part 2 of the series:  Improving Intimacy

A few months ago I read an online article about a girl who decided to wait until marriage for sex.  It was a well articulated article outlining her reasons for her decision.  I scrolled down to the comments (I never learn . . .) and expected to read encouraging things like, “Wow, good luck!” Or, “That sounds hard, but way to stick to your beliefs!”  Instead it was filled with people who were actually very concerned for her decision saying things like, “Are you sure?  I would NEVER buy a car without test driving it first- how will you know if you are sexually compatible??”

It made me sad to read comment after comment like this- treating her like she was being irresponsible.  Rich and I waited until we were married to have sex.  We both were raised in a religion and culture where that was expected of us (which makes me all the more impressed with Katie who made the decision when no one would have thought less of her for choosing otherwise). And we’ve NEVER, EVER regretted that decision in the slightest.  In fact, it has blessed our marriage and our sex lives in ways that would otherwise be impossible.

Sheila Gregoire in her book 31 Days to Better Sex (which we will be reviewing later on in this series) says, “Here’s the problem with so many of us having sex before we’re committed for life: it makes sex all about the physical, and negates the spiritual and emotional connection.”  Our culture is losing out big time on the spiritual and emotional benefits of sex.

The target audience for this post isn’t my typical target audience of married people (who have already made this decision one way or the other), but for any out there who are wondering, like Katie was, if it is possible to not have sex before marriage and if it is worth the great sacrifice it would take.  We’re here to say it’s TOTALLY possible and TOTALLY worth it!  The biggest sacrifices bring the biggest pay offs.   – Celeste

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My dad raised me Catholic and I remember hearing at a young age that I should wait until marriage to have sex.  When I was in High School I went to a conference one summer and they handed out chastity cards and asked us to sign them to commit to waiting.  I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  I hadn’t decided if that is what I wanted.  I thought it was a nice idea, but didn’t know if it was really practical in today’s world.  Looking back now I can see why God made sex to be for marriage only and I am so grateful that he paved a path for me to wait until marriage.
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In high school I had several boyfriends and had my share of make out sessions, but none of them were anywhere near the point of having sex.  During my second semester of college I met Kirk, who is now my husband of 10 years.  On our second date we were talking and he got serious for a minute and told me that he had decided to wait until marriage to have sex.  I told him that was great and left our night feeling a sense of peace and joy knowing that I was entering a relationship in which I wasn’t going to be pressured to have sex.

We dated for three years, got engaged our senior year, and were married a year later.  It was not easy, but with a lot of self-control we were able to wait until our wedding night to have sex.

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As someone who wasn’t sure if that is even what I wanted I can now say that I would encourage anyone to wait, and here is why:

  • It is definitely the best gift you can give your spouse – by sharing sex with each other for the first time we were able to give of ourselves entirely.
  • We didn’t worry about judgements the other would make as this was a new experience for both of us and we didn’t have any previous experiences to compare to.
  • We were able to measure our compatibility on communication and values and make that the foundation of our relationship without being clouded by a sexual bond.
  • We didn’t have any emotional or sexual baggage from previous intimate relationships.
  • There was a new and exciting change from engaged life to married life.
  • I didn’t have to take birth control or worry about getting pregnant or STD’s.
  • Our relationship was based on giving, not on receiving sexual satisfaction.
  • We were able to live without guilt of disobeying our religious beliefs and individually and jointly grew in our relationship with God.
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Over the last 10 years of intimacy I can say that I don’t ever wish I had more sexual partners before marrying or that we had sex before married.  In fact, it is one of my proudest accomplishments.  Throughout our marriage we have had a healthy sex life and the sex keeps getting better with time.  More importantly, God has certainly blessed our marriage and family life.

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