Questions to Ask Your Spouse Besides “How Was Your Day?”

Share it if you like itShare on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterEmail this to someoneShare on StumbleUpon

If you don’t want lame answers, you can’t ask lame questions.  Here are some tried and true different questions to ask your spouse at the end of the day besides, “How was your day?”

This is the last post from our rituals and routines month.  Check out the other posts:

No time together? Take the 10 minute DAILY connect for busy couples challenge!

The Weekly Marriage Check In: A Happier Marriage Week by Week

Low Energy Ways to Connect With Your Spouse Besides TV


 

So often the only daily re-cap my husband and I give each other is,

“How was your day?”

“Fine, yours?”

“Tiring, but fine.”

Meh. This conversation doesn’t do much by way of bringing us closer together OR actually hearing about our day.  This isn’t because we’re wrong to ask it or because we don’t care for each other, rather its because we’re just asking each other the wrong questions.

If you and your spouse are stuck in the “How was your day?” “Fine” rut, try switching up the question!  Like Glennon says,

“If you don’t want throw away answers, you can’t ask throw away questions.”

– Glennon Doyle

Questions to Ask Your Spouse Besides, "How Was Your Day?" We all get in the rut of asking lame questions and receiving lame answers. Click through for some great ideas of more inspired questions to ask your spouse each day to foster better connection and communication.

Last week we talked about how to connect with your spouse for 10 minutes everyday. A few questions we recommended were based on understanding the struggles and successes of our spouse’s day:

  • “What was the best part of your day?”
  • “What was a success you had today?”
  • “What energized you today?”
  • “What was something hard that happened today?”
  • “What did you struggle with today?”
  • “What drained you today.”

I did some more research on better questions to ask, and Rich and I have been experimenting in asking each other new questions at night when we talk.

Sara Goldstein from Oddly Well Adjusted (posting on parent.co) was the winner with the best list of questions I could find.  Here are some favorites from her post 21 Questions to Ask Your Spouse:

  • “Did you listen to anything interesting today?
  • If you could do any part of today over again, what would it be?
  • What app did you open most today?
  • How can I make your day easier in 5 minutes?
  • What did you do to take care of yourself today?
  • When did you feel appreciated today?
  • If you could guarantee one thing for tomorrow what would it be?
  • What made you laugh today?
  • Did you give anyone side-eye today? What did they do to deserve it?”  – Sara Goldstein

Glennon from Momastery.com has an EXCELLENT post on this topic called Save the Relationships: Ask the Right Questions.  A few of her ideas:

  • “When did you feel loved today?
  • When did you feel lonely?
  • What did I do today that made you feel appreciated?
  • What did I say that made you feel unnoticed?
  • What can I do to help you right now?
  • Were there any times you felt proud of yourself today?”  – Glennon Doyle

 

So, Rich and I are getting better, but we’ve had our fair share of failed questions as well.  Take it from us, here are some things NOT to ask your spouse instead of “How was your day?”:

  • What have you been doing all day?
  • Why is there orange juice on the carpet?
  • Don’t you think it might be better to talk to your boss about that?
  • When WILL you _____ (turn in that application? call your mom?  do the dishes? take the wet and now mildewy towels from swim lessons out of the bag?)
  • Isn’t it your turn to put the kids to bed?

Learn from our mistakes.

 

Let’s re-cap.

Questions to Ask Your Partner Besides, "How Was Your Day?" We all get in the rut of asking uninspiring questions and receiving uninspiring answers. Click through for some more ideas of more questions to ask your partner each day and how to ask them :)


If you like this post, sign up for bi-monthly emails to hear all about my marriage wins (don’t worry, I don’t bite.  Or worse try to sell you things):

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required


Share it if you like itShare on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterEmail this to someoneShare on StumbleUpon

32 thoughts on “Questions to Ask Your Spouse Besides “How Was Your Day?”

  1. I asked my neighbors,what’s the secret of keeping your marriage of seventy years together.She replied “my finger did all the talking” with her husband by her side.

  2. Thank you so much for posting this!!! I’m going to try some of these questions. I love talking with my husband and hate we we have dead end conversations! Im always wanting to learn and improve our marriage… After all it’s the most important foundation of our family under
    God

  3. My husband and I take a different approach. Often, as he walks in the door, he says “how was your day?” and I reply, “it just got better”. It brings a laugh and puts us in a good mood. We’ve been married for 40 years!

    1. This is SUCH a great question Vera! Different things help different people, but for me, I would try to stay calm in the moment and then if his being inconsiderate was still happening or still bothering me by the end of the week, I would bring it up during our weekly check in (remember criticism sandwich- compliment first, then bring up what is bothering you, then compliment again). I’m going to refer you to three other posts on this blog and hopefully they will help!!! 1. What to do when your spouse bothers you 2. The Marriage Weekly Check In and 3. Bringing Out Your Spouse’s Best Side. Good luck! Let me know how it goes!

  4. I always feel a bit weird commenting on a blog for the first time, but I stumbled onto a link to this post on Pinterest and thought it looked really interesting because it’s something my wife and I have been working on for a while. What we’ve found is that questions can be tricky things – I mean, even when they are asked sincerely they can sometimes come across as sounding forced, or even like some kind of interview or even an accusation.

    I think what I really want to suggest is that we’ve found that questions that are limited to ‘something that happened today’ are never as good as questions that bring our relationship back to more something more profound than just day-to-day living.

    Rather than worrying too much about what we each did ‘today’ we try and regularly ask questions that help us uncover more and more about eachother and help us connect deeply through meaningful conversation.

    We’ve actually bought a couple of table games that have conversation starter type questions and keep them on the table to ask over dinner sometimes, but this has also spurred on some almost ‘competitive’ trying to come up with great questions to ask and this means we’re thinking about each other more and more when we’re apart.

    For example, I was in the supermarket yesterday and trying to think of ideas for my question and I noticed I was walking past the cereal. Anyway, I suddenly wondered what kind of breakfast foods my wife ate at home growing up. I know that knowing what kind of cereal your spouse ate as a kid isn’t very profound, but when I asked her about it we ended up talking about how my wife became very independent when she was young because her parents worked so hard on their business and didn’t have my energy left for things like preparing breakfast (so my wife would always get up and take care of herself).

    1. James- you are totally right! Especially if my husband and I are a bit “off” questions can seem really forced and awkward. And I agree – the end goal of these conversations isn’t to get a play by play of their day, but to CONNECT with them. I LOVE your ideas on how to do that. Sounds like you are doing great in the communication department! Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment!

  5. Great post – date night will be a lot more interesting! I work at home and hubby is disabled, so we already know how each other’s day was. Now I have something different to ask!

Leave a Reply