Shame Vs Guilt (and how knowing the difference will make for a better marriage)

This one time, I made a mistake. I said something really thoughtless and stupid to a friend and made them feel really bad about themselves. After apologizing, what to do? How to make this better? How to fix it? Former Celeste knew the answer and the answer was to feel really, really bad about herself for a really long time. This surely would be the only penance for my wrong-doing. The only way to lasting change. My feelings of shame must go so deep to ensure my friend will forgive me completely and to ensure that I will change. Present-day… Read More

15 Crucial Questions to Regularly Ask Yourself If You Want a Better Marriage

What is difficult about living with me? Well. Deep breath. I’m prone to taking the moral high road. I read so much that I use “experts” to guilt Rich into doing what I want him to do instead of just asserting my desires out right. I often have specific expectations of how I want a day to look, an outing to look, or our parenting to look, and when those expectations aren’t met, I have been known to act like my 4 year old- pouty, full of blame, prone to eating cookies for dinner and so forth. Also, I can… Read More

6 Practical Ways to Develop the Skill of Self-Love (even when you feel unlovable)

“How do you make your partner’s life difficult? What is hard about living with you?” This is a question that Jennifer Finlayson-Fife asked in her marriage course, which I took. She asked us all to really sit with this and come up with some answers. I’ll be honest. I didn’t love my time sitting with this question. I felt uncomfortable. My faults are not my favorite company to sit with. However, these are necessary questions to ask if we want to improve our marriages (which we do . . . just in case you forgot and ran away when I… Read More

Become Your Ideal Self Today (and Become Your Ideal Spouse in the Process)

Imagine you’ve died (sorry to be the one to break the news, but it will happen to each of us eventually). You’re at your own funeral. You’re listening to your own eulogy. What is being said? What is remembered of you? Who did you help? What are your greatest accomplishments? What were you proudest of? This month, we’re talking all about how to develop a clear sense of self. What that means and why its important (to you and your marriage) How creating the right value system can get you there. How meditation and affirmations can get you there. Today… Read More

Want to Improve Your Marriage? Try Meditation: A LOVE EXPERIMENT

Breathe.  I am worthy of love and belonging. Breathe. I am imperfect and that’s ok. Breathe. I am enough. Ahhh, don’t you feel better after reading that? I do. That’s why I like to start my day this way- a few minutes of meditation and some affirmations. This month in the laboratory, we’re talking all about how to develop a clear sense of self. The last two weeks we discussed mostly how to get your mind and values in the right place. But this week, I wanted to provide you with a takeaway that is more actionable. That’s right folks,… Read More