Ask the PANEL

Introducing a new series where readers can write in marriage questions and a panel will answer them.

Each month, I receive emails from people I do not know asking me for marriage advice. This always takes me back a minute, “Wait, a sec, why are they asking me?” Oh right because I run a marriage blog. I don’t think I’m being asked because of who I am but because people probably don’t really have anyone else TO ask. (and if you’ve ever emailed me with a marriage question THANK YOU- you are why I write this blog)

I’m realizing that a LOT of people have marriage questions and problems (big and small) and really no one to discuss them with. You’re not supposed to discuss your marriage issues with your mom; you’re not supposed to discuss them with your friends. The only one you’re SUPPOSED to discuss things with is your spouse, who is often the most difficult option of the bunch.

Ask the marriage panel

I’m wondering if there is something I/we can do for my readers who have these types of questions and just need a sounding board of sorts.

I’m not a therapist, but I can provide a listening ear and some general advice that helps me. BUT I could be all the more helpful if I were to have access to a broader array of lessons and experiences than just mine.

So, I hitched up a plan for a new series called “ASK THE PANEL.” If you have a marriage question that you think other people might have experienced or currently be struggling with, then send an email to athingcalledloveblog{at}gmail{dot}com with “ask the panel” in the subject line.

Then, I’ll email out your question to my panel. I’ve asked an AWESOME group of past guest bloggers to participate on my panel. And already from their responses to our first panel post, I can tell you they are going to be an EXCELLENT resource!

So. Below is a portion of an email I received that will serve as our first panel post! (Don’t worry, I got her permission, I would never post a past email as a panel series without permission.) I thought this question was a great one to start with because it’s a question we all face when we disagree with our spouses . . . am I right or is my spouse right?

” ….. So anyway, your contact page says we can write in with questions or post ideas, so I have one for you. I’ve been married a little over two years now and I still don’t feel like I’ve gotten down figuring out when I’m in the wrong and when my husband is. Our marriage is pretty good, but little things my husband does bother me all the time. Like, when he is oblivious to how messy our house is and leaves his stuff everywhere or when I want to just chill at home and he wants to go out or when he stays up really late and I think he should come to bed earlier. Stuff like that. I’m sounding like a real great wife right now . . . So my question is, is there a litmus test or someway I can gauge if something that bothers me is just something I should get over or something that I need to bring up and find a solution to? I know you guys do the whole companionship inventory thing, but whenever we have discussions like that I think my husband just feels like he’s under attack (maybe I’m doing it wrong?) and afterwards I’m always left questioning, “Gosh, am I the wrong one or him?” Like I seriously can’t figure out if I’m being selfish or if I’m justified in my thoughts and we’re just bad at communicating.

Sorry that was long, but it boils down to, how do you know if it’s you or him when you’re bothered?

Any ideas would be great, thanks!”

Great question reader!!! We’ve got six panel members who have responded to it and I will post three of their responses tomorrow and the other three on Friday, but I want to hear YOUR answer to the question. How do YOU know if you’re in the right or in the wrong?? Help us all out and answer in the comments.

A Post . . . with benefits ;)

In which I ask you to answer just one question about your sex life for an upcoming post.

By Celeste

A little sneak preview:  in a few weeks we’ll be hosting a series on strengthening marriage by improving marital intimacy.  I’ve been avoiding this topic since I still blush like a third grader when I have to say the word “sex.”  However, as a few people who have emailed me have noted, it is a bit of a hole in my marriage blog topic repertoire.

So, we’re going to tackle it.  But I need your help.  I’m about to ask you for a favor.  I know you’ve all had some challenges, ahem, in the bedroom as well as opportunities to overcome these challenges.  I’m wondering if you’d be willing to share them with me?  Anonymously of course.

Google tells me that the most common argument between husbands and wives regarding intimacy is the frequency of sex.  I’m sure most all of you guys have dealt with this issue to some extent in your marriage.  Your experience could help others!  So, would you mind helping me out and typing below anything that has helped you and your spouse work out any differences you have in the frequency of which you want sex??