Episode 36: Choosing Your Partner (“What I’m Looking For”) Featuring Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

We are so happy to welcome Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife back to the podcast!

She is the perfect guest to bring on for our inner work month and today we are talking about how we deal with being dissatisfied in our marriages and how to CHOOSE our partner every day. And it doesn’t always look how we think it will!

Sometimes we think “choosing” our partner means we really don’t have a choice. But realizing we DO have a choice frees us from the chains of obligation (“I HAVE to be with my partner”) and brings us into freedom (“I CHOOSE to be with my partner”).

I LOVED this conversation, I took notes the whole time and I think you will too!

We’re giving some therapy to the song, “What I’m Looking For” and Rich’s re-written version shows that when we CHOOSE what we’re looking for, its much easier to find.


Rich’s re-written lyrics:

We have lived lots of places
We have run all these years
Only I’ve been with you
Only just me and you
Now we’ve come to where, I feel stalled
There is tension, there are walls
There are these walls
Between me and you

And I feel I’m not sure what I’m looking for
Now I wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for

We’ve made mistakes, we both slip
So now we’re trying to come to grips
We’re older and tired
But we still have desire
So we spoke and explained feelings
How we’ve held onto our issues
And we talked through the night
And I felt seen and known

So I choose, and now I’m sure you’re what I’m looking for
Now I’m sure, once again, you’re- what I’m looking for

I believe I could make it alone
But we’re both better when together as one
Becoming one
And the future’s still coming
I’m choosing you
And you choose me
It’s not dependence but totally free
Totally free, you know I believe that

Since I choose, I have found what I’m looking for
It was you, and I’m sure you’re what I’m looking  

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